it's 630am early in the morning i couldn't get to sleep .. the moment i open my eyes tears just roll down, i feel like an idiot .. life is so unfair why did it happen at this time when work is starting soon and i have to pick up myself fast by this sunday cos' i dont want it to affect my work .. yeahs it's no longer schooling, it's really working .. i am scared, i don't know will work stress + this thing makes me go bonkers ..

i tried to sleep but i can't, i went to bed at 1 i cried and cried till i don't even remember what time did i close my eyes, and just when i was deep asleep i dreamt about the happy times in tioman trip, i woke up from my dream, yeaps it's all just a dream and i am right here sitting in front of my computer crying again .. i tried to stop but everything around me seems to remind me of him ..

even simple things like moving his contact under '' all my darlinz'' to ''friends'' seems so difficult for me, when i saw his msn nick no longer have ''boy love girl'', i manage to move him to ''f'riends'' but once he offline i cried again and move him back to where he originally was .. msn is such an idiot i tried to change my display pic but it didnt allow me to ..

i want to delete the photos but i couldn't bring myself to do so all i do was just to look at them and smile while crying .. i still cant bear to change his name in my phone to keen hong .. it's still baby cos' i just feel yesterday was just another quarrel, today everything will go back to it's orginial place .. but i know it will never be the same ..

i want to tell him i miss him i really really do i want to tell him i want him back i dont want this r/s to be gone just like that, i want to tell him i am not happy being like that, i want him back .. back into like how when we first started .. but i didnt dare to sms me, yeaps my first time not being able to press 'send' to him .. i don't want to affect him cos' he is schooling today, i dont want him to know i need him badly cos' i keep telling myself i have to be strong at least in front of him, i want to show him i can still move on though i know i am not moving anywhere, i dont want him to find me a nuisance or an irritating person that keep spamming his inbox .. i want to show him without him i can still live on .. but i cant i really cant ..

only the person who make you cry, can make you stop crying ..